McChoco Potato fries. Image from McDonald’s corporate website.
Yes, those are fries…No, that’s not a new color of ketchup, bbq sauce or even a gravy. That’s chocolate, milk and white. I don’t even have words that even begin to explain the increasing waves of nausea this has induced. Listen, I am not against the whole sweet and salty thing, as I respect the milkshake fry dipping thing. But we are talking the golden arches here, not exactly known for their culinary excellence. As a matter of fact, just like the foreign pink slime they call burgers, they are using a chocolate product with cacao flavor….umm, REAL chocolate is made using cacao beans, so they are adding REAL flavor back into fake chocolate (genius?) and white milk chocolate…..ummm, you can’t take a chocolate derivative, turn it into milk chocolate and then miraculously, lighten it. Then again, these are the same people that turned pink slime into well, a burger.
I’m sorry, but as the world turns to better food choices and more organic methods of food production, these guys are still in their test kitchen trying to use any chemically produced food product, that’s borderline edible, and turning it into food that somehow people here love! It reminds me of that scene in Apollo 13, where they dump a box of available items on the shuttle and had to pretty much put a square peg in a round hole. Of course, they were trying to save lives, McDonald’s is on a mission to shorten ours!
American McDonald’s is particularly one of the worst, mainly because the food guidelines here in the U.S. are exceptionally lenient. I say “American” McDonald’s because most other countries won’t allow McDonald’s to use a processed version of ingredients that are indigenous to their countries. Korean McDonald’s makes their own kimchi. McDonald’s in India, Pakistan and the UAE use halal MEAT, not halal SLIME. McDonald’s in Russia use real BRIE in their version of mozzarella sticks. I mean have you seen the new mozzarella sticks at McDonalds?? They taste like warm caulk breaded and fried in stale burger bun bread crumbs (oh wait, those don’t go stale)…..but you get my point. How can you screw up fried cheese??!!
Now, I am not saying that pre-fabricated foods aren’t being served at McDonald’s all over the world, but I am saying that McDonald’s shows enough respect to follow those countries’ food cultures, traditions and standards for certain things, why not here in the U.S.? Or are our food standards that low, that we just accept it because it’s fried, salty, fast and cheap?? We are that nation that eats a shake for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and two Big Macs, Large Fry and Large Diet Coke for dinner. Why shouldn’t McDonald’s prey on our own self-inflicted slow mutilation? Do we really hate ourselves that much that it took us almost 50 years to get them to stop using animal fat in their fryers? Forget that, we turned a blind eye to them not even using real beef in their burgers, instead they used something that resembles what my 8 year old niece plays with…gross! Of course, they hid it between 2 non biodegradable sponges and their “special sauce”, which gives me chills just thinking about what makes it so special…ugh! I swear, my Scotch dish sponges will break down in the earth faster than those buns. Imagine what that is doing in your body….go eat a sponge, you might actually poop that out.
Ok, so now I know some of you are going to argue with me about how you have to sometimes sacrifice quality and nutrition with time efficiency and convenience. You will then proceed to tell me that McDonald’s added healthier salads, desserts and breakfast items…newsflash, adding chicken tenders to your garden salad doesn’t make the chicken healthier….just think about that. The one thing I will give them credit for is revamping their kids’ meals and giving them options other than fries and a soft drink. Now kids can drink milk and eat apples with their sponge slime sandwich! Sorry, didn’t mean to make a mockery of that issue, because I do respect that at least they tried to make an effort to raise awareness that good nutrition starts at a young age, because the rest of us adults are screwed as it is. Although, maybe they just got smart and found a new way to make money from the the busy moms out there who are eating their KIND bars and need to make a pit stop for their kids before soccer practice that won’t completely ruin their healthy lifestyle. Bottom line, apples are better for you than fries…ANY DAY. Question: Why don’t I get to choose an apple instead of fries? And I bet if I could, they charge me an extra $1 for the substitution. Pathetic.
So, how did i get on this rant about McDonald’s? Fries drizzled with fake chocolate, their new test market item that’s hitting the hot presses. What about a basket of clementines or red seedless grapes? It’s not sexy. I get it. But you know what’s even less sexier, you in a bathing suit this summer if you keep eating up what they are dishing out.
Next week….I could promise you something, do something else or give you something prefabricated ;)…………………