SIX. SWINE WITH ME

CLICK BELOW…CLOSE YOUR EYES….and LISTEN……

 

What do you hear???

 

Spring Rain?

Rice Krispies in Milk?

Running Water?

Car driving up a pavement?

A pressure cooker releasing stream?? (yeah, I don’t know, I’m reaching)

….

….

….

….

IT’S BACON…plain and simple bacon, frying in a pan….it’s glorious fat crackling away to meaty, salty perfection…..eaten on it’s own, it’s magnificent….on top of burgers, it’s perfect….and in a sandwich between crisp lettuce and sweet tomatoes, it’s a necessity.

On top of a deviled egg, it’s a welcome addition…..wrapped inside it’s luscious arms, it’s comforting…..draped in silky sugar, it’s intoxicating……yeah, we are still talking about BACON 😉

Bacon is the gateway meat…one taste and your hooked.

As a former Bacon Queen, it’s easy to say that bacon enhances EVERYTHING!  I mean I have taken bacon and put it in an indian dessert with thai chiles, fried it in a samosa, made arancinis from bacon biryani and even sold TONS of Bacon-Pistachio Brittle that I still get accolades for.  I can speak from the experience that working with bacon takes finesse and when used correctly and properly executed, bacon can be elevated and can actually create new ideas.

Now, here’s where things get salty….when people use bacon for EVERYTHING and ANYTHING.  When it’s starts to not make sense and bacon becomes a gimmick and not an ingredient.

EXHIBIT A….5ff9a89689d1982dde6d41c1e168feb3 - Copywhat the heck is this?  Why is this necessary?  Isn’t the original shell good enough?  What city in Mexico does this come from?  I am a huge taco fan, love them, all kinds.  I wouldn’t eat this, why?  Because it’s gross to me.  It’s a Mexican salt lick that I’d be hydrating from for the next week.  I want to eat my food, not pee it out over and over again.  I believe my argument is valid, thanks.

EXHIBIT B….not everything can and should be wrapped in bacon….ringsno, no. no…no and no.  Bacon-wrapped onion rings….seriously?  That had to come out of Chili’s test kitchen right where the Awesome Blossom came from.  I mean, aren’t onion rings hard to eat as it is?  You take one bite, the whole onion comes out most of the time, you are left with the fried shell which you still dip in some kind of mayo concoction somehow thinking it’s still in tact.  Come on, admit it….onion rings just don’t work as it is most of the time.  This looks like a logistical nightmare!  Don’t forget to watch out for that toothpick! Morons.

Exhibit C.12334011_10153129796455124_1614200617_o (2)You can have your bacon and shoot it too!  What on earth…???  I’m just gonna say it, what redneck did this???  At first I thought, ok, he made a gun out of bacon, kind of a waste of bacon, but hey maybe he owns a pig farm and had a bad batch.  But in case you were wondering, he has a dipping sauce to go with it!  No joke, I was floored.   Gives the term “Eat Your Gun” a whole new meaning.                                                                 gun4 There’s also a guy that cooked bacon on his gun!  I guess it wasn’t smoky enough.  AHEM.  (that one was for you, Jake).

 

I’ll be here all day, folks!

 

Yes, my puns are getting worse, but not as bad as what people are doing unnecessarily with bacon. The above are just some examples of ingestible atrocities, there are bacon soaps, perfumes and candles (oh just fry up some bacon in your house and roll around in the fat) that are on the market that I can’t even begin to dissect.

I’d like to think I am a purist with an experimental heart.  I do dabble with using bacon in unconventional ways, but I only validate those ideas when the dish itself can stand on it’s own and not because it has bacon in it….it’s actually a win-win situation because when I fail……………………..11046561_10152713484455124_8461324160591044317_nI just eat the casualties!!!

So before you eat something bacon wrapped, encrusted, rolled, fried, tossed….whatever, make sure it makes sense, just don’t make a mockery out of an already perfect food.

No, you guys are still not getting my Bacon-Pistachio recipe 🙂

 

Next week….most likely I will tell you about my paleo experience, but life happens!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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